I'm at a point in my life where I'm slowly being burned.

The flame had always been there; always surrounding me, but it never came to a point where I would actually let myself succumb to it.

Okay, to be honest, I have let the fire consume me once or twice; but I would always, time and time again, extinguish it before it could swallow me whole and yet here I am, at a turning point; not knowing where to turn and what direction to take, a wildfire of messes surrounding me, threatening to burn me to ashes.

What brought about this feeling?

Well, I've always been weak when it came to other people's emotions. I'm the type of person to succumb, only because I find it hard to say no and though it's wrong, I find it extremely hard to change it... and I have let it dictate my take on recent events.

Because of my fear of saying no, I am burning with regret and indecision.

When do I start placing limits?

Where will the line end, really?

Those are questions that remains to be unanswered at this point because truthfully, I do not have the answers.

When does fun end and wreckage begin?

I have always been true to my principles, but right now, I let feelings take the reins; and it's not supposed to. Not with the situation at hand.

MIND OVER MATTER-that has always been my mantra and the ruling principle in my thought process. Using your brain would never put you in a wrong spot because you know the consequences of your actions. Even before doing anything, you'll know and so you use strategies and win; never hurting in the end.

But that doesn't seem to be the case right now.

I know the consequences, but I let it past the border. I let it past the boundary of where it was only supposed to tread.

I shouldn't have let emotions rule me.

And no, I'm not talking about my emotions. My emotions are on a steady pace, but the situation is most definitely not.

Now, what do I regret? I regret... EVERYTHING.

What about INDECISION?

I'm at a crossroad.

Should it stop now? Should I just let it happen, knowing that I will hurt someone if I let it pass through the border... even if I know I'll have to push back and push away? Should I start caring and put situations aside to ruins to get what I think I want right now and live in it?

Well, YES-NO-NO.

It should stop now, YES... because my ZERO TOLERANCE remains to be my ZERO TOLERANCE.

What it is, no one will know.

Should I let it happen... No. I shouldn't let it happen anymore, because when someone invests emotions on me, I would feel obliged to give back and that's something I couldn't do at this point. Besides, I've never intended on hurting people and when it does happen, it's not something that I would want, nor would I intentionally bring on people. If I can't give back, I hurt and I don't want to hurt anyone.

I play games, yes, but not to the point of hurting someone to get my fun.

Start caring? No. I shouldn't start caring as well because that's something I couldn't do at all right now and yes, my ZERO TOLERANCE stands. I can't bring ruin to other people's lives. It's not my role to take, nor a position I'd want my self to be in.

So... What is there to do?

All I know at this point is I'm starting to feel doubtful of the decisions I made.

I guess it's time to make it right.

Or at least try to.

Labels: random blabber

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